I've changed my job and am back at NIE again. But this time, writing is the main responsibility and also the reason why I've gone back despite many reservations.
So far, I've written 4 articles--one of them edited beyond recognition. It needs more hard work than expected, but wasn't as scary as I thought. I used to write during my internship and there were days when I simply couldn't churn out any coherent sentences. When I did, the editor said the pieces sounded all the same. I guess that experience put me off writing for a living. It was too intense.
So the job now is quite a good fit--I get to write but not all the time, because I have to juggle other editorial administrative work.Writing is sometimes boring, often draining, and always humbling (when you get the draft back from the editor with half the content struck off and most other parts rephrased). But it's something I want to work hard at and excel in.
The recent trip to New York and Washington DC also inspired me to take up photography. NY is an especially photogenic city and it's a waste that I didn't know how to capture its vibrance. Besides, I need to take photos for my articles for the new job. I've also always wanted to be able to take nice photos for this blog instead of "stealing" other people's all the time. :)
And lastly, of course, is music. When a friend asked what was the my most enjoyable experience from the recent US trip, I said it was the NY Youth Symphony's performance at the Carnegie Hall. I can't explain why, but the music just made me feel present, that there's no better place to be than to be surrounded by the music. The enthusiasm and talent of the (very good-looking) conductor and the young players was also pretty inspiring.
Speaking of which, my violin exam is coming again! Every single time, it's a mad rush--I don't know why! But I'm switching into exam gear now and am practising more. Must Focus!
So these are the 3 things that have been keeping me happily occupied for the past weeks. Ever since hitting 30 I've tried to be more conscious of where I'm heading to in life and what I want to do. If what they say about doing what you love is true, then I hope that my career will someday, somehow, converge with this trilogy. In the meantime, I'll just have to keep working on them!
One sure sign that you're getting old is that clichés begin to make a lot more sense. I've been looking for a new name for this blog, because it seems a waste to always live in anticipation. I'll always be looking forward to better things, when the best things may be happening to me right now. So yeah, embrace the present sounds like pretty solid advice at the moment. But to stop anticipating and just live is to learn to forge ahead in spite of uncertainties. That's a learning process which I suspect will be lifelong for me.
So I was looking for a name that can convey what I think is important in life and not just in this phase of my life (because I really don't want to change my blog's title every 5 years), and clarity is a word that constantly pops up.
Clarity to me is to see things as they really are, and know that things are as they should be. And Clarity happens to be my favourite John Mayer song.
By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on
Those moments are so few and fleeting. But all of us must have experienced them at some point. And this from the Colin Firth film A Single Man expresses it the best:
A few times in my life I've had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.
Not being able to hold on to these moments, I can live with, because knowing that I once had them matters more. Unlike George in the film, I don't live my life only on them because confusion and perplexity are always there, but in their wake they leave me with hope that I'll live it a little better.
This photo is so cute I can't help using it. Anyway, this has been one of the most relaxing Sundays ever. Yesterday I was very bored and angsty from being stuck at home and oversleeping and so pestered my siblings into going to Serangoon Gardens for prata. Indeed, a good kosong prata and teh tarik did the trick and I felt much better. Today was mostly spent tweeting and practising scales and searching online for accommodation for the upcoming NY trip. And having yummy curry rice for dinner with family and doing a spot of shopping at Compass Point.
And now, the most urgent thing needing my attention is music theory homework (which if you ask me, is worse than Maths homework) but even that is mostly done. After that, I will settle down with some tea and a book and read myself to sleep. Tomorrow, I will rise at 9am and dilly-dally a little and get myself some MacDonald's breakfast and practise some more on the violin. Yup, that's my plan for now. I really could get used to this.
I had been in a stupor all weekend, feeling exhausted both in spirit and body. On my last day, I was still mired in work at 8.30pm, desperately trying to archive my emails properly for the new PE taking over my journals, while a group of colleagues and ex-colleagues waited for me. We were supposed to have a farewell dinner outside but because I couldn't leave on time they had to order in pizza to eat in the pantry. I had initially thought it's kinda sad to have dinner in the office on my last day, but I'm actually thankful that they accompanied me through to the end, so that i didn't have to be the last person to leave the office by my lonesome self.
I don't really like being the centre of attention but for some reason, my farewells usually turn out to be too big for my liking. I used to feel very uncomfortable, even somewhat frustrated that those closest to me would want to push me into the limelight when they should know better. I know now that they do this to me simply because they want me to know that I'm "dearly loved". I'm very privileged, my department head said to me, and I agree with her.
For the send-off, 3 guy colleagues performed the song "Forget You" that I had jokingly requested for a few weeks ago. One played the guitar, another the harmonica while the 3rd sang in the training room for my team and I. The singer told me they had rehearsed 6 times for this. We stayed around and sang and took photos.
For reasons that I won't go into here, this has been a very emotional farewell for me. There was a low period in my life last year when I felt that I had not made a single genuine friend in this place. But I know now that there has never been a place where I had been surrounded by so many like-minded friends who wish me well. I find it so hard to say goodbye, but yet it was the leaving that made me realise how good they've been to me. I've said goodbye to the place, but not the friends I'll have even as I move on.
My last week at W-B is finally here. It's been a busy few weeks and the past one has been stupendously tiring, with me eating dinner and junk food (for comfort) at the office and working overtime. So tired that I spent the whole Saturday in bed, climbing out only for lunch and dinner, a bit of facebooking and a walk in the park. It was so shiok that I didn't feel a bit of guilt for wasting the precious weekend at all.
But this is the last lap! The finishing line is in sight. Time to sprint now. I hope I run a good one, for myself and the others who have to take over my journals. Later!
