Recently, I bought a new violin. It's also made in that "factory-of-the-world" country, alas. A friend's husband who's much more knowledgable about music was like "No no! Not a China violin!" But with budget constraints, I shall defer that European violin for later in my musical career!
The old one was too big for me. The new violin is niftier as it's smaller, 7/8 of the usual full-sized violin. Compared to my first violin, the sound is definitely more crisp and robust. Listening to the difference between the 2 is like mono vs stereo sound. However, that means the the mistakes and the screeches are sharper too. And I didn't count on the fingerboard being so much narrower. My blundering fingers now feel even more awkward as they scramble clumsily across the 4 strings, sometimes pressing on more than 1 accidentally.
Now and then, I still take out my old violin and give it a play. The feeling I get as I set it upon my shoulder can only be described as a very comforting familiarity that makes me want to go "ahhhh...this is more like it!" My fingers feel more confident and at home on that generous fingerboard and its just a very shiok feeling drawing the bow over those well-worn strings that I've bowed over and over for 3 years. I started to wonder whether I had ever really needed to change it, and whether I now have an expensive mistake on my hands. *shudder
The change in violin coincided with my change of job, so I can't help but notice my struggle with both. It's a humbling experience to know nothing and having to keep asking around for help and depending on others. I feel painfully ignorant and stupid sometimes, struggling to keep up. It's such a difference from my previous job, when I know what to do, how to do it and where to get the resources. I crave for that kind of security and confidence. I wish I could feel in control again.
But as with the violin, the old job may be more comfortable but not necessarily the best fit for me. And fond as I am of the old violin, I probably should stop taking it out for awhile because it'll just make me feel more acutely how unfamiliar the new one is and make it harder for me to get used to it. And it'll be the new violin that'll accompany me to the dreaded music exam. Onward and upward for my work and music aspirations!
