My fingers and arms feel sore at the sight of a violin now. I've been practising regularly for the past 2 weeks for the exam earlier today. Very often, I would lie flat out, with the violin beside me, in the middle of a session because I was feeling peng san from the practising on top of a day's work.
The exam today was OK, except for some violent bow-shaking during the 2nd exam piece, a slow one which required long, slow strokes. And each time my bow trembled, the examiner, who was mostly occupied with writing her comments, would pause and look up. It was quite unnerving, I can tell you.
I was so nervous that my knees were shaking involuntarily. While waiting for our turn, the accompanist, perhaps sensing I was jittery, starting chatting with me outside the examination studio. Strangely, I was able to keep the conversation going like everything's OK when on the inside I was panicking and going "shit, shit, I can't stop all this shaking."
Other than the bow-shaking (maybe the examiner would think I'm attempting vibrato. Yah, right!), I guess I should be glad that I didn't make stupid mistakes this time round. I hope the nice old lady examiner won't have the heart to flunk me. Before the exam, my violin teacher had said with gusto about how we shall move on to preparation for Grade 4 straight after this. I felt excited, in spite of myself.
I bemoaned last September in a post about how I came to music late in life. Sometimes, I wish I had a headstart earlier on. Maybe my teen years would have been happier, anchored by music. Someone, I can't remember who, said that kids who learn music seldom, if ever, turn bad.
But like the accompanist commented, because my classmates and I are older and we actually voluntarily commit ourselves to this, we know to appreciate it, not like some of those kids who are learning but can't really be bothered.
And as the ever-perceptive Mr Mraz (hes's on blogspot too now! Read his stuff at http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/) said, "A beginner's mind is a beautiful place to come from". I hope that when it comes to music, I would always retain the zeal of a beginner. :)
9 Sept 2007
How do you smoke through this exam?
I've got to give it to music exams: you can't breeze through it with dumb luck. Or through the systematic spot-the-question approach. Or smoking through it, as any mass comm graduate would tell you with a self-satisfied smirk, is the best method there is. I still giggle a bit when I think of how I aced my chinese A's and surprised everyone, including myself.
There's no way you can fool the music examiner into thinking that you have been practising religiously when you haven't. You can't lie with music. Or at least I can't. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that your musical instrument won't be an accomplice to that lie. It'll show you up one way or another--in my case, bow shake is a nice possibility, and so is the slanted bowing that produces my signature screechy playing style.
But I must say the opposite ain't true all the time: even if you have put in the requisite time and effort for the exam, stage fright is still something you've got to reckon with. I was so nervous last year that the (wrong) response that came out from my mouth to a question for the aural component was exactly the opposite of what I was thinking.
So here goes the same refrain that I suspect will repeat itself year after year: I wish I had practised more. I've been lazy and unfocused. There're still so many kinks in my playing that I haven't straightened out and the exam is less than 2 weeks away. Last week someone says its commendable that my passion for music has lasted thus far. I was having a bad day and was tempted to skip the violin lesson later in the evening; I mumbled that it's more of a habit and a sense of duty than anything else now. I think I was giving excuses. Good thing about music exam is that it forces me to invest in my violin playing, and I find that I actually care about whether I'm going to flunk the exam, whether I'm improving, and whether and how I can correct my horrible all-over-the-place bowing in the near future.
But it does sounds a bit like empty rhetoric to my own ears because I was once again distracted, from my practice to blog about how I should be practising more! OK, OK, back to playing now.
There's no way you can fool the music examiner into thinking that you have been practising religiously when you haven't. You can't lie with music. Or at least I can't. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that your musical instrument won't be an accomplice to that lie. It'll show you up one way or another--in my case, bow shake is a nice possibility, and so is the slanted bowing that produces my signature screechy playing style.
But I must say the opposite ain't true all the time: even if you have put in the requisite time and effort for the exam, stage fright is still something you've got to reckon with. I was so nervous last year that the (wrong) response that came out from my mouth to a question for the aural component was exactly the opposite of what I was thinking.
So here goes the same refrain that I suspect will repeat itself year after year: I wish I had practised more. I've been lazy and unfocused. There're still so many kinks in my playing that I haven't straightened out and the exam is less than 2 weeks away. Last week someone says its commendable that my passion for music has lasted thus far. I was having a bad day and was tempted to skip the violin lesson later in the evening; I mumbled that it's more of a habit and a sense of duty than anything else now. I think I was giving excuses. Good thing about music exam is that it forces me to invest in my violin playing, and I find that I actually care about whether I'm going to flunk the exam, whether I'm improving, and whether and how I can correct my horrible all-over-the-place bowing in the near future.
But it does sounds a bit like empty rhetoric to my own ears because I was once again distracted, from my practice to blog about how I should be practising more! OK, OK, back to playing now.
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