Blogging is not fun

I seem incapable of blogging spontaneously. I wish I could. Those who do seem to have much more fun.

My blog is an exercise in deliberation. My posts are usually very short, but I don't remember ever spending less than 1 hour on even the shortest, 1-paragraph post. Do I sound too whiny here? Would I offend anyone if I write that? If it's not a showcase of the most scrupulous, diligent self-censorship, I don't know what is.

Not only the content--I write, delete, rewrite sentences over and over again, so that they sound right, stylistically. I attribute it to the legacy of my journalism education. Or maybe I'm just a bit anal. A friend recently commented that my blog looks very "neat" but I know that my thoughts are anything but. I certainly don't think in such neat, short paragraphs.

For me, writing has becomes a highly deliberate, premeditated process. Writing is not "fun" but needs a purpose, an agenda. And maybe blogging is about creating an online persona. I write, therefore I am. I think many people blog so that they can write their preferred persona into existence. The truth is, what we're blogging is really not so much about what we're thinking, but what we want others to know we're thinking. ;)

Rainy season

The rainy season has started. Nothing gets me more into the end-of-the-year mood than the rain and the drop in temperature. I always feel slightly melancholic, and a bit lost in thought, around this time of the year.

Those storms during the day are depressing. I feel cold and miserable, with the harsh air-con bearing down relentlessly in the office. The sky turns into concrete, and the only way to look out at the world is through tear-stained windows.

"Pitter-patter", her tears I hear
the year sighing, "my end is near"
"but don't rue my friend, have no fear"
"when I'm reborn, the skies will clear"

Ah, what melancholy. I guess I'm just feeling a little droopy. Storms pass, so do moods.