Above all, I like that music

Music exams have always been nerve-wrecking affairs for me. Actually, make that for everyone. I wonder what is it about these exams that reduce grown-ups into quivering jelly in the exam studio. It could probably explain why my chromatic scale started on A and ended on G. The examiner paused. I paused too, and thought "shit". That was an awkward moment. 


And what happened before the exam didn't help soothe the nerves. With less than 2 weeks left, our accompanist said she can't make it for our exams as she had to fly to China to handle some contract matters. 


But OK, the good thing is the replacement turned out to be better. "Better" by the way, doesn't refer to their technical prowess on the piano, but their ability to set me at ease. 


On the day itself, I was feeling quite calm. I had been feeding on bananas for the past few days--someone on the ABRSM forum swears that 2 bananas before the exam can calm the jitters. I even went to the park to walk off the remaining anxiety. I was ready. 


I reached the exam venue half an hour before my slot. Knowing myself, I didn't want to arrive too early and end up getting all stressed up, just waiting outside the studio. The accompanist was already there. My teacher told me she wouldn't be around but another violin teacher would help me to tune my instrument. So I asked at the counter, where's the violin teacher? But the staff told me there was none. 


OK, never mind. I knew the second option was to go to the nearby violin shop to get it tuned. My teacher is on good terms with them and have told them to help. 


The walk there was a little farther than I thought but tuning shouldn't take long. But what did you know, the violin pegs were so stiff that the guy couldn't tune it and ended up taking all of them out and waxing them. And he even told me the E string was crooked. All this time when he was "dismantling" my violin, I was panicking and pacing the shop. I've no time left and will come back to get the pegs fixed another time, I told him. But he was resolute and said it had to be done or there's no point in going for the exam because I'll sound terrible. 


It got so late that the dad of the candidate (a little boy of 12) before me came to the shop to look for me. He had earlier given me directions to the shop and was worried I was lost because I was taking so long. His boy had already started his exam. We quickly rushed back, I practised each piece once with my accompanist who tried to calm me down, and in we went to the studio. 


I'm not sure whether I'll pass this exam. My accompanist wasn't sure too, as I skipped a few bars of the second piece in a moment of confusion. But it's not worrying me much. I hadn't expected to come as far as Grade 5, seeing that I almost quit after the first year of learning. And I don't mind retaking it, just so to make sure my basics are sound.

There was a time when I was convinced that music is the most universal, emotional and divine language, the language to communicate with God. And when I think of all the modalities of communication such as text, images and music, the last resonates most strongly for me. The Grade 5 exam had been stressful and I fretted quite a bit to my colleagues. One told me to stop the exams after this, and do "music appreciation" instead. That made me realise that from the perspective of an outsider, music is a source of stress to me. And it made me remember why I'm learning it in the first place. I do it because I like it, and I like playing it with others. So even though I'll always fret about the exams, I'll not forget again that above all else, I like music. And that is a good enough reason to continue on.