I think I'm becoming shallower and shallower each day. Nowadays, I'm occupied with things such as whether I'll be able to afford that Canon digital camera next month or whether I need lip glosses in more colours to add variety to my life. I think about bags, shoes, makeup. I watch bitchy reality shows such as The Apprentice 3 and America's Next Top Model (Nope) 2.
Being shallow makes things more pleasant not just for myself, but for others too. Friends and family find me more tolerable now. Most teenagers like to be angsty and philosophical. They sulk and scowl and refuse to belittle themselves by responding to your questions or acknowledging the fact that you are talking to them! And what excuses are offered for their behaviour? They are "confused" and "trying to find their directions in the adult world" etc.
I know because I went through that phase too. You keep thinking to yourself that here I am, pondering about life's deep questions such as what is the purpose of life and how I fit in the scheme of things, and all my parents do is to bug me about helping out with household chores. Probably you look down on most people too, as they don't seem as concerned, or as contemplative as you are. I think this adolescent brand of philosophy is more of self-centredness, the "I, I, I" philosophy. I have done that before, and was a bit tired of it, as no matter how much time I spend mulling over it, I still don't know the answers. Better go out there and experience it instead. Action over thought. Thought can be paralysing sometimes.
Anyway, shallow people aren't half as unpleasant as people who like to foist "deep" and "difficult" conversations on you. Talk that just goes in a circular pattern, and then you find that at the end of it you are still confounded. Well, whatever.
7 Aug 2005
Don't come here for wisdom or level-headedness
I've spent so much time editing the paper of this junior academic and I'm still not done! When will I be rid of his paper, the twit? And this is a Saturday night! I got so mad that I just finished a bag of Twisties in under half an hour. My sister was amazed, and then pointed to the 2 twisties that were still stuck on my T-shirt.
His references are a mess, he has 3 pages of endnotes and he doesn't write well!
Was responsible for bringing this foreign visitor around. He seems kind of abrupt, and even impolite. He handed me his camera without a word, expecting me to take a photograph of him. When I've taken it, he took it back again without saying even a word of thanks. This is just 1 example of his repulsive behaviour. What a little asshole. Go back to your country!
I need to destress. Somebody, pay for my spa visit, please!
His references are a mess, he has 3 pages of endnotes and he doesn't write well!
Was responsible for bringing this foreign visitor around. He seems kind of abrupt, and even impolite. He handed me his camera without a word, expecting me to take a photograph of him. When I've taken it, he took it back again without saying even a word of thanks. This is just 1 example of his repulsive behaviour. What a little asshole. Go back to your country!
I need to destress. Somebody, pay for my spa visit, please!
2 Aug 2005
Academic life = all words no action
I have this simmering uneasiness that what I'm working on and working towards is not exactly as meaningful as some people made it out to be. I'm doing academic work, and perhaps I'm still an outsider and thus have not totally bought the idea that academics are doing useful, practical work.
The most important thing seems to be the churning out of papers. Research papers, journal papers, conference papers. And for what purpose? To provide more papers that other academics can research on and cite, so that they can write more papers? The rhetoric is never about improving the system; it's always about getting published, getting recognised by your peers. How many academics are truly sincere about wanting to improve the lives of others?
The most important thing seems to be the churning out of papers. Research papers, journal papers, conference papers. And for what purpose? To provide more papers that other academics can research on and cite, so that they can write more papers? The rhetoric is never about improving the system; it's always about getting published, getting recognised by your peers. How many academics are truly sincere about wanting to improve the lives of others?
31 Jul 2005
CPU brain
I have a short memory. There are many things that I forget after a certain period of time. It's almost like my brain is like a CPU with a fixed amount of memory space. Old files get erased to make way for the new ones.
People like me should make scrapbooks, I think, to keep the past intact. Otherwise, it just dissipates. It's scary, if you ask me. Sometimes, when you forget things, you can ask the people who share the same history with you, but their versions will always be somewhat different.
It's actually quite silly, if you ask me. I'm a person who's a slow adjuster. I'm more comfortable with the past and present. So why am I so forgetful about the past? My memoryscape is like a flat country. No momentous mountains upset the level terrain; no harrowing troughs and canyons line the earth.
Sometimes I get jolted by things, such as autograph books, and I feel horrified--horrified that I could forget so many things unknowingly. Events, feelings, friends.
That's why I like to write, even if they seem like banal "appendices" and "field notes" of my life: How I enjoy the McDonald's breakfast every Monday morning as it takes away a bit of the Monday blues, how I had steamboat at Coca with my family yesterday and I had to go to the toilet 3 times today due to the spicy soup they served. These field notes mostly revolve around food and books.
People like me should make scrapbooks, I think, to keep the past intact. Otherwise, it just dissipates. It's scary, if you ask me. Sometimes, when you forget things, you can ask the people who share the same history with you, but their versions will always be somewhat different.
It's actually quite silly, if you ask me. I'm a person who's a slow adjuster. I'm more comfortable with the past and present. So why am I so forgetful about the past? My memoryscape is like a flat country. No momentous mountains upset the level terrain; no harrowing troughs and canyons line the earth.
Sometimes I get jolted by things, such as autograph books, and I feel horrified--horrified that I could forget so many things unknowingly. Events, feelings, friends.
That's why I like to write, even if they seem like banal "appendices" and "field notes" of my life: How I enjoy the McDonald's breakfast every Monday morning as it takes away a bit of the Monday blues, how I had steamboat at Coca with my family yesterday and I had to go to the toilet 3 times today due to the spicy soup they served. These field notes mostly revolve around food and books.
26 Jun 2005
Cheap things gladden me?
Things that makes me glad:
1) Rain (but not in the early morning, when I have to get up to go to work!)
2) Relaxation music (those that feature sounds of running water, warbling birds etc.)
3) Staying up late (while reading and munching on hot n' spicy potato chips and sipping ice coffee/green tea)
4) Bread and cakes (my comfort food)
5) Power walking while listening to my MP3 player
6) McDonald's breakfast (Sausage McMuffin and coffee)
See, all of the above are not pricy.
How I know that I'm growing older:
1) I don't have the stamina to stay up late every night and turn up chirpy the next day anymore
2) I'm nicer to my parents and siblings now
3) I make an effort to keep in touch with friends, as an acquaintence noted: "To lose a friend due to neglect is sad."
4) My metabolism rate is going south
5) I learn to be more appreciative of others' work and efforts
20 Jun 2005
The subject is me
My birthday today :) I took leave from work today, not to enjoy myself but simply to take myself off the coveyor belt of tedium and routine for a day.
Tomorrow it'll be back to work and not that I mind very much. I enjoy my work: it gives me a lot of personal freedom and satisfaction (sometimes). I learn a lot of new things and most of the people are great. It's just that things have settled down into a routine and I feel a bit mechanical. You know, lunch at the usual place, the usual food, the usual cup of coffee in the morning and after lunch.
Since yesterday I've been seized by this aspiration to further my studies. People have been asking me, plodding me to do it, but I didn't feel the impetus to get started on it. It's a huge investment, in monetary terms and effort. I know that I'd want a Masters degree, it's just that I don't believe I should be pushed into it by others.
I shall start to do a bit of research for the research topic. The deadline is next January so I have sometime. I hope to get a scholarship for this so the preparation for application is going to take awhile.
Tomorrow it'll be back to work and not that I mind very much. I enjoy my work: it gives me a lot of personal freedom and satisfaction (sometimes). I learn a lot of new things and most of the people are great. It's just that things have settled down into a routine and I feel a bit mechanical. You know, lunch at the usual place, the usual food, the usual cup of coffee in the morning and after lunch.
Since yesterday I've been seized by this aspiration to further my studies. People have been asking me, plodding me to do it, but I didn't feel the impetus to get started on it. It's a huge investment, in monetary terms and effort. I know that I'd want a Masters degree, it's just that I don't believe I should be pushed into it by others.
I shall start to do a bit of research for the research topic. The deadline is next January so I have sometime. I hope to get a scholarship for this so the preparation for application is going to take awhile.
18 Jun 2005
Philosophical rambling
If you've been going through enough blogs (especially blogs of angsty teenagers and restless twenty-somethings) you'll notice an irony.
The people least capable of philosophising are the ones most likely to publish their "philosophical" bleatings.
Of course philosophy should be part of everyone's life. I'm not talking about the discursive, intellectual, theoretical school of philosophy that's the domain of academic scholars but the everyday reflection that every human being is capable of. But it's another thing to "publish" it on the Internet where everyone can read.
Dear reader, steer clear of any blog that has any of the following words: reflection, musings, thoughts, ramblings, rumination, contemplation etc.
Gee, I'm being quite cynical, aren't I? It's just that, some things are best kept private, in perfumed diaries and stuff. To make these things public would only turn what's personal and whimsical into pretentious and embarrassing rantings.
On the other hand, I like blogs that chronicle the quirky and funny everyday encounters of the authors. Or the lists of their favourite things. Or their travails in other parts of the world. In another words, regular blogs that do not pretend to be intellectual or "meaningful". Just blogs that echo the personality of the writers. Simple.
The people least capable of philosophising are the ones most likely to publish their "philosophical" bleatings.
Of course philosophy should be part of everyone's life. I'm not talking about the discursive, intellectual, theoretical school of philosophy that's the domain of academic scholars but the everyday reflection that every human being is capable of. But it's another thing to "publish" it on the Internet where everyone can read.
Dear reader, steer clear of any blog that has any of the following words: reflection, musings, thoughts, ramblings, rumination, contemplation etc.
Gee, I'm being quite cynical, aren't I? It's just that, some things are best kept private, in perfumed diaries and stuff. To make these things public would only turn what's personal and whimsical into pretentious and embarrassing rantings.
On the other hand, I like blogs that chronicle the quirky and funny everyday encounters of the authors. Or the lists of their favourite things. Or their travails in other parts of the world. In another words, regular blogs that do not pretend to be intellectual or "meaningful". Just blogs that echo the personality of the writers. Simple.
4 Jun 2005
What an exciting (and exhausting) week
This week we hosted a major conference with delegates from 30 countries (at least that's what the local newspaper reported in a small, one-column report with no photos!) which adds up to about 2,500 people trampling all over the place. I was kept busy with all sorts of tasks eg. ushering, organising fringe events, taking care of foreign visitors.
It was quite exciting but very exhausting. A visitor said that the event was very well organised but we told her that it's just that we managed to cover the hiccups well.
I didn't get to attend most of the presentation sessions as I was so busy, but did managed to watch a few keynote addresses. For most of them, I wasn't impressed by the content. Some were irrelevant to the local context, others were just rehasing old stuff that most people already know about, i.e. giving new terms to old ideas.
But the delivery was quite admirable. A few of them reminded me of motivational speakers (or slightly worse, star salespersons)
Anyway, by the end of it I was so tired that I was barely able to open my peepers. I guzzled coffee like water and still I felt stupid. So this weekend (which is unbearably hot, by the way, so that I'm always covered with a film of sweat) I'll try to chill a bit.
It was quite exciting but very exhausting. A visitor said that the event was very well organised but we told her that it's just that we managed to cover the hiccups well.
I didn't get to attend most of the presentation sessions as I was so busy, but did managed to watch a few keynote addresses. For most of them, I wasn't impressed by the content. Some were irrelevant to the local context, others were just rehasing old stuff that most people already know about, i.e. giving new terms to old ideas.
But the delivery was quite admirable. A few of them reminded me of motivational speakers (or slightly worse, star salespersons)
Anyway, by the end of it I was so tired that I was barely able to open my peepers. I guzzled coffee like water and still I felt stupid. So this weekend (which is unbearably hot, by the way, so that I'm always covered with a film of sweat) I'll try to chill a bit.
23 May 2005
A beautiful mind
I don't care how big a real-life jerk people make Russell Crowe out to be, he is a damn good actor.
I've seen him in A Beautiful Mind and actually the storyline is quite formulaic and perhaps a bit too sentimental (but what do you expect from a director like Ron Howard?), but his acting was superb, simply because it didn't even feel like he was acting. That's how I differentiate the good performers from bad. Those that are bad are self-conscious; they act for the camera and the viewer can sense it.
And he makes the viewers sympathise with him, which is not easy when you are dealing with modern-day audience who are impervious to cheap emotional stimuli due to the high diet of sickly-sweet Hollywood blockbusters. To touch them you have to costantly strive for another high in tear-inducing stimulation. I'm the kind of audience that do not cry easily at the movies, unless it's really pathetically sad.
Is that movie meant to be sad? I think it was supposed to be a inspiring and feel-good flick, but it makes me teary. His portrayal of a man caught within the chaos and turmoil of his own delusional mind makes you want to empathise and understand.
He acts altogether too well, that Russell Crowe.
I've seen him in A Beautiful Mind and actually the storyline is quite formulaic and perhaps a bit too sentimental (but what do you expect from a director like Ron Howard?), but his acting was superb, simply because it didn't even feel like he was acting. That's how I differentiate the good performers from bad. Those that are bad are self-conscious; they act for the camera and the viewer can sense it.
And he makes the viewers sympathise with him, which is not easy when you are dealing with modern-day audience who are impervious to cheap emotional stimuli due to the high diet of sickly-sweet Hollywood blockbusters. To touch them you have to costantly strive for another high in tear-inducing stimulation. I'm the kind of audience that do not cry easily at the movies, unless it's really pathetically sad.
Is that movie meant to be sad? I think it was supposed to be a inspiring and feel-good flick, but it makes me teary. His portrayal of a man caught within the chaos and turmoil of his own delusional mind makes you want to empathise and understand.
He acts altogether too well, that Russell Crowe.
15 May 2005
Food
I was just reading the leisure section of the local newspaper this Sunday morning and I came across an interview with a Starbucks manager. She was born in Hong Kong, studied in the US, and is now working in Singapore. She says despite the intervening years spent in the West, she thinks that Chinese food is "real" food.
I think so too! My palate is decidedly Asian; I think Asian food are truly hearty food, except Japanese cuisine. Food that are presented too exquisitely and elaborately dampens my appetite. Food are supposed to look delicious, gloriously messy, ready to be tucked in! Those that look like art are "cold", unsensual, structured. Japanese food is a bit like that; same for French. Besides, the Japanese like their food raw, which is something I cannot abide by. This is not to say I don't enjoy the occasional sushi and don dishes.
There are certain Western food that I like; I crave for McMuffins, breads (especially sandwiches and burgers), and cakes (generous slices of butter cake, moist and fluffy coffee swiss rolls, rich chocolate mousse cake--you name it, I like it!) often and especially for breakfast, but come dinner my preferred meal would be Asian.
It may be because my favourite flavours are savoury and spicy. Western cuisine lack these flavours. Cream, cheese, olive oli, tomato puree: These are all quite incompatible with my tastebuds. I also don't eat beef so that rules out steaks, the mainstay of Western food.
On the other hand, I really like rice and noodles, the carbo stuff. Noodles are more versatile and have more variety. Yum!
I think so too! My palate is decidedly Asian; I think Asian food are truly hearty food, except Japanese cuisine. Food that are presented too exquisitely and elaborately dampens my appetite. Food are supposed to look delicious, gloriously messy, ready to be tucked in! Those that look like art are "cold", unsensual, structured. Japanese food is a bit like that; same for French. Besides, the Japanese like their food raw, which is something I cannot abide by. This is not to say I don't enjoy the occasional sushi and don dishes.
There are certain Western food that I like; I crave for McMuffins, breads (especially sandwiches and burgers), and cakes (generous slices of butter cake, moist and fluffy coffee swiss rolls, rich chocolate mousse cake--you name it, I like it!) often and especially for breakfast, but come dinner my preferred meal would be Asian.
It may be because my favourite flavours are savoury and spicy. Western cuisine lack these flavours. Cream, cheese, olive oli, tomato puree: These are all quite incompatible with my tastebuds. I also don't eat beef so that rules out steaks, the mainstay of Western food.
On the other hand, I really like rice and noodles, the carbo stuff. Noodles are more versatile and have more variety. Yum!
9 May 2005
A girl in slippers and shorts
This is a glorious morning. I was walking to the building where I'm working and everywhere was drenched in sunshine and mist. (Okay, it's more like haze, but why go and spoil it?)
A girl (probably a student) was walking back to her hostel room after buying a copy of the newspaper from the canteen. She was wearing a plain white T-shirt and dark blue sport shorts and ambling along comfortably in a pair of rubber slippers. It was a bit disconcerting. On one hand, it's the natural attire for anyone living in a university hostel, but on the other it seems a bit too insouciant, lackadaisical to be walking around the campus wearing those things.
I wonder what she'll be doing this day. She seemed so.... at ease and carefree. Maybe she'll switch on the TV in her room to watch the morning news while drinking her kopi and savouring kaya toast and flipping through the newspapers. The exams should probably be over by now. It's vacation time for them! I can still remember my own student days. Vacations were too long for my liking then (about 10 weeks at a go), but it was a welcomed break from school. The only problem was, if you did not procure a vacation job, how are you supposed to fill those 10 empty weeks? There's only so much (window) shopping you can do, and so many movies you can watch.
Now that I'm working, I get about 20 days of leave every year. Not quite enough, but compared to some of my friends who work in the private sector and get only 10 days, I should feel quite privileged!
Ahhh, university life, there's nothing quite like it!
A girl (probably a student) was walking back to her hostel room after buying a copy of the newspaper from the canteen. She was wearing a plain white T-shirt and dark blue sport shorts and ambling along comfortably in a pair of rubber slippers. It was a bit disconcerting. On one hand, it's the natural attire for anyone living in a university hostel, but on the other it seems a bit too insouciant, lackadaisical to be walking around the campus wearing those things.
I wonder what she'll be doing this day. She seemed so.... at ease and carefree. Maybe she'll switch on the TV in her room to watch the morning news while drinking her kopi and savouring kaya toast and flipping through the newspapers. The exams should probably be over by now. It's vacation time for them! I can still remember my own student days. Vacations were too long for my liking then (about 10 weeks at a go), but it was a welcomed break from school. The only problem was, if you did not procure a vacation job, how are you supposed to fill those 10 empty weeks? There's only so much (window) shopping you can do, and so many movies you can watch.
Now that I'm working, I get about 20 days of leave every year. Not quite enough, but compared to some of my friends who work in the private sector and get only 10 days, I should feel quite privileged!
Ahhh, university life, there's nothing quite like it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)